NEWSFLASH GIRLS: He's nice because he likes you!!!

A few events over the last several weeks keep bringing this subject back home to me so I'm going to grind my axe for a bit here.  Yes, some of this stems from personal experience, but it also comes from stuff I've observed.

Girls, you are a little too oblivious about your casual relationships with the opposite sex and it drives me up the wall (and I think this problem mostly happens with cute girly girls).  You CAN'T be just friends with a guy, because he CAN'T be "just friends" with you!  When a man approaches you in a friendly fashion, he isn't motivated by the idea of making a new "friend."  He wants a little action (in Utah, that usually means a few dates, leading to kissing, and maybe marriage.  Outside of Utah it means he wants to score, big time).  Somehow girls don't understand this.  They might go on a date, and then the girl will think "oh, he's a really nice guy" (but she isn't attracted to him because he's not a tool*) so she places him in the friend box.  Which is not where the man wants to be.  He never wanted to be there, and everything he does after that is an effort to get out.  Brings you flowers when you are down? Check.  Cake for a special event? Of course.  Chicken soup when you are sick?  Indeed. Offers dating advice?  Yup.  Calls/chats/texts/other Internet interaction?  Definitely.  Hangs out?  No question.  Anything where he is interacting with you in any way shape or form is done with the intention of building a relationship (not friendship) with you.  He will do this until he realizes that you have no intention of ever giving him what he wants (a bonafide girlfriend) and then he'll slowly fade into the ether.  BUT, the girl then thinks, "oh, I haven't seen such-and-such" so she calls, and suddenly the whole cycle starts over again.  Girls, the guys that you hang out with you are there because they want you as a relationship.  They aren't there because you are good friends.

Giants and Freya by Arthur Rackham

There are exceptions to this rule:  Gay men.  And married men (and that isn't even certain these days)^.

So why is this a problem?  Well it comes down to mismatched expectations where a girl gives a guy false expectations and hope, leading him around by the nose until it destroys his entire soul!  This is rude and should be avoided.  See the picture to the left?  When you are sitting there, looking all pretty, this is what the man wants to do with you...but in a nicer way.  Yes?  But the girl is thinking the guy is just like her girlfriends and treats him as such.  This is bad.  He is a Man; a bundle of testosterone, muscles, AND feelings!

Where am I going with this? I don't know.  I guess I just wish girls wouldn't be so cavalier about handing out the friend status left and right.  Give guys a chance, not false expectations.  If you want somebody to hang out with, hang out with your fellow women, otherwise you are just using a man for you own self gratification.  A Man is not made to just hang out and be friends with you.  So don't try it.

And stop wasting your time on that really hot guy who you like but only see once a week or so.  He's got six other women on the line and he's making out with all of them, including you*.

^I later thought of another reason where men can actually be friends with women, when there is no attraction on either side (which is very rare, but it does happen).




*Another axe I want to grind dealing with the fact that the good/nice guys don't actually score very high on a girl's attraction scale and tool-ish men do.  Girls SAY they want nice men, but their actions speak differently.  Don't even try to argue with me about this.