I was in a dance lesson yesterday, working on the rumba, when my coach began harping on me for not expressing any romance as I danced. Naturally the next question he asks is, "when was the last time you had a girlfriend?"
Ummmmm, well, errr. . . never?
That opened the floodgates.
"How old are you?" At BYU? Old.
"What are you waiting for?" A good match, I guess. Chemistry?
"You know any two people (man and woman) can make a marriage work?" Yes, but that doesn't mean they always should, does it? Why rush into making an ETERNAL decision just because any two people can make a marriage work? Why not be patient and find the best match?
Here my dance partner chimed in. "You expect too much(A sentiment sometimes echoed by my sisters)! You should make a list of the three or four most important things that you want in a woman. . . don't limit yourself by unreasonable demands."
What? Unreasonable? Everything I ask is reasonable! So here it is, my list of reasonable things that I seek in a woman.
**Disclaimer: This is sarcastic; me making fun of myself. It is not meant to offend anybody or make girls feel inadequate.
Must Haves:
-Hot Legs.
-A fast car, preferably an Aston Martin, but I guess a Mustang Cobra would do.
-Obviously a religious compatibility that includes a temple marriage and tons of little tykes running around and yarking on the carpet.
-Brain. Not just any brain, a good brain. A brain full of knowledge and reasoning capabilities. Like Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale.
-Athleticism, grace, and poise. Imagine a jaguar reclined on a tree limb in the jungle, with its tail lazily swinging to and fro. Now transfer that same aura to the woman holding my hand :)
-Eyes that I could drown in.
-The soul of an artist. Culture.
-Survivability/Grit. Lost in the arctic? No problem.
-Musical. I like Rachmaninoff.
-Hair from a shampoo commercial.
-Shoot a 5" group from 15 yards with a handgun, blindfolded.
-Be proportionally sized to myself . I don't want to be one of them skinny Southern guys that's always bullied by his wife.
-On the other hand, she shouldn't be afraid of trying to bully me. I like that.
-Cook better than me. Gauntlet thrown.
-Take my breath away every time she walks into the room. . .or even when I imagine her walking into a room. I pretty much should always be in danger of suffocating.
-Bear tall athletic sons and beautiful daughters.
-Squeeze toothpaste from bottom.
Must Nots:
-Be insane. That didn't work out so well for Mr. Rochester.
-Be an ogre or troll. I know in the animal kingdom, the males are the pretty ones, but I don't want to be the pretty face in my family; I'm much better suited for the role of ogre.
-Be fixated, beyond all reason, on power or status (example: Lady Macbeth, numerous biblical women, Hillary Clinton).
-Engage in any questionable activities like drugs, or killing innocent people.
-Zealously cling to parents.
-Shoot me in my sleep.
See, that list isn't so unreasonable.
Here's the short version: She must be my best friend. The End.
5 comments:
hahaha, I like your lists. It wouldn't happen to be Brent you were having a lesson with, would it?
Actually, yes it was. How ever did you guess?
Yes, also never.
I think I went on a date the other week, though.
Q.: "What are you waiting for?"
A.: Your mom.
Also to be considered for the "must have list": A tendency to tour the facility and/or pick up slack.
I love you. I just have to say that. You make me laugh! By the way, it's any "righteous" man and woman can make a marriage work. But I also believe there is one particular person sometimes for some people. And don't make a list. You'll never find somebody that meets all the requirements. So your last request for a best friend is the only requirement you should have. I know you'll find her someday. Don't give up and definitely don't get bitter.
When you were talking about nearly always suffocating it reminded me of Bella talking about Edward. Haha, puke. Actually, I thought your list wasn't extremely unreasonable. I think your problem is that you are waiting for her to come to when you should be actively looking. That's my two cents.
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