I'm writing now due to a unrequited sense of obligation rather than any particular creative vibe. I've been very sluggish as a blogger for the last month, and this brings shame upon my house--or it would if I actually possessed one. Once an individual enters their voice into the blogging world there is a moral obligation to continue to produce rational and thought provoking writings that serve to inspire (or infuriate) members of the blogging community (hint, hint). This is what separates us from the animals. This is what makes us men, and women. This is what makes us human! Blogging.
That is why I am posting today. To repent, and be human.
As many of you already know, because I've effectively broadcast the fact through Facebook and other assorted mediums, I can GRADUATE NEXT SEMESTER. Some of you are probably shocked at this, but I can assure you, nobody was more surprised by this than myself. There are some things in life that we are certain of. We know that death is certain. Taxes are certain, as the cliche goes. And women will always be veeerrrryyyyy frustrating (to me at least). But college? College is eternal, or so I thought. How rude my awakening has been.
At first I was in denial, I couldn't accept it. And so I tried to discover ways in which I could arrange an extra semester or two (in addition to the 14 semesters I've already taken for my
UNDERGRADUATE degree). However, reason must rule, and in the end I can't keep sinking money into the college lifestyle. Now is the time for me to move on, to consolidate a center of power in the real world, from which I can rule all my domains like a medieval warlord (or, buy a house and hopefully write books that get published).
Now that I have accepted my fate, I must bull my way into the necessary classes, all of them, because they are ALL already full. The process, I am sure, will be interesting because they are introducing a new system to add/drop classes for next semester. I will become a master that system by the end of the first day.
However, with the end of my college career before me, the beginning of a new life also looms much too closely for comfort. All sorts of college type questions that I assumed would naturally resolve themselves now lie before me, unresolved. What am I going to do for a career? Where am I going to live? Why are freshman girls nicer to me than the others, and is it acceptable for me to date them? (remember, 14 semesters AND a two year mission, I'm old). Questions upon questions upon questions. I can't sleep at night with this uncertainty. I'm trying to form plans, but nothing is coming. I guess I just have to wait and see which doors open, which is scary, because I like to have plans. I like knowing.
One thing is for sure, I need to finish my book. But that will require time, because I refuse to succumb to the current trend of shortness. My book WILL have a long, well-developed plot that is weighty and thought provoking. It will have dynamic characters and a rich world full of cultures and traditions. And it will have magic. The problem that I encounter, though, is that my life is too fractured for me to devote consistent time to finishing it. Classes, homework, dance lessons/practice, dating?, family time, chores, sports on TV, etc. . . all combine to run interference. The best I have been able to do for the last ?? years--an hour here, fifteen minutes there, a little brainstorming in boring classes--isn't anywhere good enough if I want to compete in a fantasy market full of writers like J. K. Rowling, Robert Jordan, Brandon Sanderson, Tolkien, and so forth, all their billion published copycats, and all the billion unpublished writers who are better than me.
I need structure. I need a house, a cat, a clearly defined writing time, exercise time, and some artistic focus. Help.
In short, I did BETTER than I normally do, which still isn't very good. But I'm OK with that. I think right now I'm just happy to be dancing at all, because I've realized that I am in the twilight of my dancing career as I prepare for GRADUATION (which I still find intimidating).
Dancing has been a great experience for me, and I'm going to miss it next year. . . unless I'm lame and come back to Provo next year. It's in the back of my mind. I'm not staying in Alaska for the winter, and I have no idea where else I would go. So for now, Provo is my primary option. Anyway, blah, blah, blah. The end.
