A Mystery to be Solved

Someone has been very clever.

When I walked out of my apartment this morning--late for church, naturally--I found paper hearts plastered all over my windshield.

Somebody gave me a heart attack.

My sisters, the most likely suspects, have denied any involvement in this "terrorist" act.

There are a few clues that will lead me to the identity of this person. 1) They have read this blog. 2) They know my car. 3) They know that I sometimes go by the alias "the Bear." 4) They know where I live, or went out of their way to discover my address. 5) They like Lord of the Rings. 6) They are 99.9% likely to be a she.

Cue Mission Impossible music.

Attack of the Greenhouse Gasses

It turns out that we are going to destroy the Earth even faster than we thought. Yay! I'm so excited!



For some reason the above link isn't even visible so you'll have to do the old copy/paste if you want to read the article.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090214/sc_afp/usclimatewarming_20090214150716

Valentines Day Blues

In commemoration of this happy day I've pulled some Oscar Wilde quotes off the net that I feel are somewhat appropriate. . . . Most of them seem to be about women. Sorry ladies, but it's not my fault Oscar Wilde had a lot of funny things to say about you.

~Never trust a woman who tells you her real age; a woman who tells you that would tell you anything.

~Women are meant to be loved, not understood.

~A woman will flirt with anyone in the world, so long as other women are looking on.

~If you really want to know what a woman means, which is dangerous, always look at her but never listen.

~A man can be happy with any woman, so long as he does not love her.

~The happiness of a married man depends on the people he has not married.

~The proper basis for a marriage is mutual misunderstanding.

Oscar Wilde was a genius!

FYI: It turns out that I buy pretty sweet Valentines gifts. Today I bought myself a digital camera! Sweet! Now I don't have to rely on other people and their uncharged cameras.

I can't help looking at the Stars

I wish there wasn't so much light pollution around here. I miss looking at the night sky. The best place (my opinion) to observe the majesty of the heavens is on a clear winter night in Alaska. It's usually cold, enough that you feel chills beneath your parka, and the air bites your ears. But the night sky is so vivid; thousands more stars, and every one more brilliant than anything you've ever seen before. There is no comparison. And then there are the Northern Lights. . .waves of neon lights that roll across the sky like the breath of Aurora, the Greek goddess of dawn.

The beauty found within this universe is astounding. What is even more amazing, is that it is a system that works. The universe goes through endless cycles of creation and destruction, and somehow, out of all that, life is born.

It works too well to be coincidence.

Yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the Earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator. ~Alma 30:44

Blah! More on Dating.

I was in a dance lesson yesterday, working on the rumba, when my coach began harping on me for not expressing any romance as I danced. Naturally the next question he asks is, "when was the last time you had a girlfriend?"

Ummmmm, well, errr. . . never?

That opened the floodgates.

"How old are you?" At BYU? Old.

"What are you waiting for?" A good match, I guess. Chemistry?

"You know any two people (man and woman) can make a marriage work?" Yes, but that doesn't mean they always should, does it? Why rush into making an ETERNAL decision just because any two people can make a marriage work? Why not be patient and find the best match?

Here my dance partner chimed in. "You expect too much(A sentiment sometimes echoed by my sisters)! You should make a list of the three or four most important things that you want in a woman. . . don't limit yourself by unreasonable demands."

What? Unreasonable? Everything I ask is reasonable! So here it is, my list of reasonable things that I seek in a woman.

**Disclaimer: This is sarcastic; me making fun of myself. It is not meant to offend anybody or make girls feel inadequate.

Must Haves:
-Hot Legs.
-A fast car, preferably an Aston Martin, but I guess a Mustang Cobra would do.
-Obviously a religious compatibility that includes a temple marriage and tons of little tykes running around and yarking on the carpet.
-Brain. Not just any brain, a good brain. A brain full of knowledge and reasoning capabilities. Like Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale.
-Athleticism, grace, and poise. Imagine a jaguar reclined on a tree limb in the jungle, with its tail lazily swinging to and fro. Now transfer that same aura to the woman holding my hand :)
-Eyes that I could drown in.
-The soul of an artist. Culture.
-Survivability/Grit. Lost in the arctic? No problem.
-Musical. I like Rachmaninoff.
-Hair from a shampoo commercial.
-Shoot a 5" group from 15 yards with a handgun, blindfolded.
-Be proportionally sized to myself . I don't want to be one of them skinny Southern guys that's always bullied by his wife.
-On the other hand, she shouldn't be afraid of trying to bully me. I like that.
-Cook better than me. Gauntlet thrown.
-Take my breath away every time she walks into the room. . .or even when I imagine her walking into a room. I pretty much should always be in danger of suffocating.
-Bear tall athletic sons and beautiful daughters.
-Squeeze toothpaste from bottom.

Must Nots:
-Be insane. That didn't work out so well for Mr. Rochester.
-Be an ogre or troll. I know in the animal kingdom, the males are the pretty ones, but I don't want to be the pretty face in my family; I'm much better suited for the role of ogre.
-Be fixated, beyond all reason, on power or status (example: Lady Macbeth, numerous biblical women, Hillary Clinton).
-Engage in any questionable activities like drugs, or killing innocent people.
-Zealously cling to parents.
-Shoot me in my sleep.

See, that list isn't so unreasonable.

Here's the short version: She must be my best friend. The End.

Ha Ha! Joke's on Me!

I was going to write this blog post while relaxing in front of the TV at the end of the day, but I'm not getting anywhere because of Top Gear. It's quite literally the funniest television show I have ever seen. Basically, it entails quirky British humor and awesome cars. Since I have been watching in the last hour, they've mounted a Mini Cooper with rockets and jumped it off a a ski jump, played a game of "ice hockey" with a bunch of Suzuki economy cars, raced a 700hp super car around a track. . . and off it, and raced through an obstacle course while being shot at by a paintball tank. It's a brilliant show, enough that it could be the first show that I actually put on my schedule.

Anyway, it has ended now, so on with the meat of my post.


My English 343 (Modern Drama) professor is requiring a theater review for one of the assignments. It so happens that the only show that I could review (by tomorrow) is Thoroughly Modern Millie, which I watched last Thursday. It was marvelous, by the way, and I may post my review on here if I should ever get about to writing it. That's not the point of this post though. The point is, that I decided I would take advantage of this opportunity to take a date. So, a week before last Thursday, I worked up the nerve and asked a girl that I know. Now, last semester I felt like she was sending me positive vibes, and as far as I knew, she was quite single. So I asked, and wouldn't you know it. . . she's already dating somebody. But wait, she's not just dating one somebody, she's dating two! And she still offered to see if she could make time in her schedule to work me into the mix. Errr. . . OK. Of course you can probably guess that I went to Millie all by myself, and you would be correct. But it's not a big deal, some other time perhaps.

Guess that should teach me a lesson about procrastination, eh? Maybe I'll go watch some more Top Gear (starts again at 9!).

Yahoo Headlines @ 8:45pm

Amazing Super Bowl Finish--Not something that I really care about. I love sports, but the professional leagues just don't have much appeal to me. Still, it was a good game, I guess.

Taboo Conversation Topics for Men--Hmmm, haven't read the article, but from my experience men are able to talk about anything. Except for feelings, perhaps. Some do. But I certainly don't. My dance partner often says things like, "love you" or "love your face," to which I respond by saying such heart-warming things as, "see you tomorrow!" I just have a hard time expressing any type of feelings for anybody not family. That doesn't mean I'm a cold wretch. I'm not.

Israel Threatens Gaza after Rocket Fire--I've been considering a long post about this topic since this issue first came up several weeks ago, especially with the subsequent protest that happened here on (BYU) campus. But I haven't yet had time to research some things that I wanted to use in my post. Since I don't know if I'll ever get the chance before this issue blows over, here's my stance in a nutshell: Hamas should leave Israel alone. If they don't, then they accept the responsibility for the Palestinian citizens killed by the Israeli retaliation. And, the liberals should stop their whining about "disproportionate retaliation." Israel (or any country) has the right to retaliate full force against aggressive actions from another nation.

GOP leaders doubt stimulus bill will pass Senate--I haven't been following this issue very closely at all. But, I hope something happens to fix our economic struggles. I'm not sure if that "something" will necessarily stem from government action.

FARC rebels release four hostages to Red Cross in Columbia--That was decent of them. (Saying more will only reveal my ignorance on this topic).

Hard times give government jobs greater allure--Didn't take hard times for me to discover that. Everybody knows that working for the government is cushy. I worked for the government last summer, and all we did was. . . work. Good $$$ though.

Study: Soil helped ancient Greeks choose temple locations--Duh! Soil is important for choosing any building location in any culture. . . I wonder if the article means that some soils had religious significance. I think I'll read it.

Baby born with 12 fingers and toes in California--Cool!