So here I am back in Provo, Utah where the ladies fill the sidewalks like King salmon in the Copper River. I feel like one cast with a good lure would net me one, or more! Wow! It’s always a bit of a shock returning here. Life in Alaska is quite different especially considering the nature of the work I do. No offense to any of my coworkers, but their scruffy mugs get a bit tiresome. The ladies here in Provo are infinitely better looking and much, much better smelling. I sit here writing this in the hall of the dance building where an almost never ending flow of female dancers passes by--pretty much the most awesome ladies on campus--anyway, the hall smells quite nice due to the combination of perfumes and lotions. It is good to be back.
Other things are not quite so awesome. As usual dance auditions proved (I just finished them) to be a bit nerve wracking. I managed to stumble through them well enough (surprisingly Latin seemed to be a bit better) so I feel the post-audition relief right now. Hopefully I made it into both classes. I desire to medal in both Gold II Latin and Standard either this semester or next, and if I don’t make it that would throw a serious wrench into my plans. Dance, overall, is a bit of a question mark this year, like this: ??? I honestly feel as if I’m coming to the end of my ballroom dance journey here at BYU, which is sad, because dance has become such a significant part of my life. Unfortunately I now face the reality that graduation is near and I need to focus on a degree--boring I know. I also must eventually accept the fact that I’m not Sergey Surkov; I’m not that great of a dancer, at least competitively, and I don’t have that much of a chance to move up to one of BYU’s touring teams. So, this journey may be nearing the end. All I can say, if this is truly my last year, is that my experience here has been awesome. I’m just happy to have tasted the beauty of ballroom dance. Now I guess I’ll graduate (next year) and return to my post in the mountains of Alaska and become an eccentric, hairy-faced, yet successful writer. Maybe I’ll write about ballroom.
Otherwise, I got into Provo Saturday afternoon and promptly spent the rest of the day transferring all of my belongings, enough to fill a 5x15x10 storage unit, into my new room which is mostly filled by a large queen sized bed--which is magnificent, though it certainly diminishes floor space. My new room is filled to the brim with boxes of books (not surprising, I am an English major), a mountain of clothes (which was a surprise), and piles and piles of junk papers which most people would probably throw away. I am not most people. Still, space requirements and a desire for comfortable living demand that I streamline my accumulated wealth. Hopefully this week I can gather together a large DI pile which will most likely consist of clothes, assorted junk, and, heaven forbid, a book or two. I’ll also try to dispose of my old magazines and maybe some of my junk papers. Maybe I can get rid of my nice pair of winter boots (never worn) which are much too nice for a Utah winter. And I could sort through my movies and remove the ones that I don’t like and the ones that are overtly inappropriate. I don’t want to part with any dishes or anything, in fact, I may need a few new ones. A casserole pan. A good cake pan. Some bowls. I may be able to sell a guitar here in the near future, in need of a guitar tune-up to make it sound right (which I can’t do), but otherwise in sound condition. I have one TV too many, I really don’t need one in my room, though it might be nice from time to time.
Overall, I just need to be more disciplined in life. I need to exercise regularly so I can have bulging biceps and rippling pectorals (I mean, even more than I now have). And I need to start regular scripture study again which I have had a hard time maintaining through the last year and a half because of work and other scheduling issues. I mean, I didn’t even finish reading the book of Matthew this summer. To be fair, it’s not only my scripture study that I have been neglecting, I didn’t finish Jonathan Strange and Dr. Norrell or Thirteen Moons this summer either. And I didn’t even start The Once and Future King or the Silmarillion.
So there they are, my concerns and goals (minus the ones regarding dating, etc. . .) for this coming semester. Let the games begin!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Summer in Review: Bear Compliance and the Resulting Terror in the Night.
Summer is over. Looking back I can hardly tell where it has all gone. Not that I'm complaining mind you, my bank account is full again and I had a good time. However, it is time now to return to the world populated by people, which brings greater challenges, for me, than this summer has delivered. Still there are a few interesting highlights from this summer that I will share.
Work was more enjoyable this summer, but less rewarding. I know that doesn't make any sense. Hear me out. Early in the summer one of the local powers in the NPS began to initiate some changes in the process of doing things. Going into detail would be as boring for you as it was for me, so I'll try to explain succinctly. In short, my crew was ordered to do more paperwork (less work) and several of the planned work projects were removed from our schedule. Thus the summer was spent doing pointless projects that delivered no
sense of real accomplishment. We spent a lot of time out in the woods this summer, but I feel as if we did very little (as opposed to last summer when we worked our fingers to the bone). Anyway, it was still fun, and I got to see a lot of new country, but there was always a sense of conflict between the actual work crews and the administration. That = LAME.
BEARS were less plentiful than I saw last summer; I only saw one close, one from a medium distance (both black), and two from an airplane (both grizzlies and far away). Anyway, the real story comes from the last month of work. Several weeks ago I was in a crew of three that was sent to a remote pass in the mountains to work on an airstrip. While we were out there a group of five or six, led by a guide, showed up. At first they were friendly, but the next morning they were upset that we were using power tools to work on the runway (a ridiculous and stupid sentiment if you ask me) the guide also snooped around our camp and complained that we weren't "bear compliant." A video was recorded and sent to the local park ranger. While there really was nothing wrong with our camp sight and we were working close enough to it that bears weren't a threat anyway, the complaint put my crew on the radar of the administration. Not a good thing. The week later one of our crew had his gear raided by a grizzly bear as he waited for his flight out of another location. This resulted in another complaint, an official investigation, and an interesting series of lectures presented before my last trip of the summer. The lectures included several thinly veiled threats about job security, several drunk driving analogies, and several references to experiencing the feel of someone else's brains in your hands, oh, and about two hours worth of stories about people getting their chest cavities ripped out, and faces/heads ripped off.
In short, bears are just short of immortal demi-gods who wander the Earth searching for victims. They possess insurmountable strength, keen intelligence, the speed of a car cruising just under the speed limit, and the devil's own temper. Oh yeah, they're bulletproof, and can bite through your skull like a fat boy bites through a German chocolate cake.
After that we were finally provided adequate bear safe food storage (which had not been provided by the admin before and was the core of the issue) and we were sent out into the woods to do what we normally do.
The next evening after a reasonably good day of work we all gathered around our campfire ate dinner and commenced with our evening's conversation. Naturally talk tended to always return to a certain, gory, theme. This conversation lasted for a couple hours as the light gradually faded and grew more and more sinister. At one point several of us heard a strange sound in the distance, but it faded away before the entire group grew silent. I had heard similar sounds emitted by ravens earlier in the summer and said as much. The conversation continued. After a short period of time the sound came again and conversation immediately stopped. It sounded like a person alternately talking and then screaming in the distance. An eerie silence followed and we all looked at each other in confusion. Then in the absolute silence that followed the sound came again, and this time there was no mistaking it. It was a woman screaming in mortified terror and pain. I can still almost hear words in her scream. We all knew, at that moment, that our worst fear were realized. All eight of us sprang into action gathering shotgun, satellite phone, bear mace, and such. At the same time a few people began calling into the stillness trying to establish contact. There was no reply. I have never heard such deathly silence. We broke into groups. Four of us went straight towards where we thought the sound was coming from while the other four (myself included) raced down the only trail in the area on ATVs hoping to intercept anybody that might be in the area (there would be no reason for anybody to leave the trail at this point). Nobody found anything and we never heard the sound again. We all returned to camp, all of us were obviously on edge and creeped out. I was the first to offer an alternate option because I have read that mountain lions sound, at times, exactly like a woman screaming. Only a few people considered this to be a viable option. The chief concern with this was that mountain lions don't live in Alaska, but I was able to dispute this point because I have seen one before (have I told that story). Anyway, gradually my theory won over, and was possibly verified when we heard the sound six days later in the early morning.
Still, none of us slept very well for several days after that.
If it was a mountain lion I have to say that they produce the creepiest and most horrifying sound imaginable to a man. Just think back to any horror movie that you have ever seen and recall the screams of the helpless girl characters that are pulled into the darkness by an unknown terror. It was that scream.
That's right, any demi-god abilities that bears lack, these guys have. They're a blend between ninjas and Nazgul. Just don't pee your pants when you hear one of these scream in the night.
Work was more enjoyable this summer, but less rewarding. I know that doesn't make any sense. Hear me out. Early in the summer one of the local powers in the NPS began to initiate some changes in the process of doing things. Going into detail would be as boring for you as it was for me, so I'll try to explain succinctly. In short, my crew was ordered to do more paperwork (less work) and several of the planned work projects were removed from our schedule. Thus the summer was spent doing pointless projects that delivered no
sense of real accomplishment. We spent a lot of time out in the woods this summer, but I feel as if we did very little (as opposed to last summer when we worked our fingers to the bone). Anyway, it was still fun, and I got to see a lot of new country, but there was always a sense of conflict between the actual work crews and the administration. That = LAME.
BEARS were less plentiful than I saw last summer; I only saw one close, one from a medium distance (both black), and two from an airplane (both grizzlies and far away). Anyway, the real story comes from the last month of work. Several weeks ago I was in a crew of three that was sent to a remote pass in the mountains to work on an airstrip. While we were out there a group of five or six, led by a guide, showed up. At first they were friendly, but the next morning they were upset that we were using power tools to work on the runway (a ridiculous and stupid sentiment if you ask me) the guide also snooped around our camp and complained that we weren't "bear compliant." A video was recorded and sent to the local park ranger. While there really was nothing wrong with our camp sight and we were working close enough to it that bears weren't a threat anyway, the complaint put my crew on the radar of the administration. Not a good thing. The week later one of our crew had his gear raided by a grizzly bear as he waited for his flight out of another location. This resulted in another complaint, an official investigation, and an interesting series of lectures presented before my last trip of the summer. The lectures included several thinly veiled threats about job security, several drunk driving analogies, and several references to experiencing the feel of someone else's brains in your hands, oh, and about two hours worth of stories about people getting their chest cavities ripped out, and faces/heads ripped off.
In short, bears are just short of immortal demi-gods who wander the Earth searching for victims. They possess insurmountable strength, keen intelligence, the speed of a car cruising just under the speed limit, and the devil's own temper. Oh yeah, they're bulletproof, and can bite through your skull like a fat boy bites through a German chocolate cake.After that we were finally provided adequate bear safe food storage (which had not been provided by the admin before and was the core of the issue) and we were sent out into the woods to do what we normally do.
The next evening after a reasonably good day of work we all gathered around our campfire ate dinner and commenced with our evening's conversation. Naturally talk tended to always return to a certain, gory, theme. This conversation lasted for a couple hours as the light gradually faded and grew more and more sinister. At one point several of us heard a strange sound in the distance, but it faded away before the entire group grew silent. I had heard similar sounds emitted by ravens earlier in the summer and said as much. The conversation continued. After a short period of time the sound came again and conversation immediately stopped. It sounded like a person alternately talking and then screaming in the distance. An eerie silence followed and we all looked at each other in confusion. Then in the absolute silence that followed the sound came again, and this time there was no mistaking it. It was a woman screaming in mortified terror and pain. I can still almost hear words in her scream. We all knew, at that moment, that our worst fear were realized. All eight of us sprang into action gathering shotgun, satellite phone, bear mace, and such. At the same time a few people began calling into the stillness trying to establish contact. There was no reply. I have never heard such deathly silence. We broke into groups. Four of us went straight towards where we thought the sound was coming from while the other four (myself included) raced down the only trail in the area on ATVs hoping to intercept anybody that might be in the area (there would be no reason for anybody to leave the trail at this point). Nobody found anything and we never heard the sound again. We all returned to camp, all of us were obviously on edge and creeped out. I was the first to offer an alternate option because I have read that mountain lions sound, at times, exactly like a woman screaming. Only a few people considered this to be a viable option. The chief concern with this was that mountain lions don't live in Alaska, but I was able to dispute this point because I have seen one before (have I told that story). Anyway, gradually my theory won over, and was possibly verified when we heard the sound six days later in the early morning.
Still, none of us slept very well for several days after that.
If it was a mountain lion I have to say that they produce the creepiest and most horrifying sound imaginable to a man. Just think back to any horror movie that you have ever seen and recall the screams of the helpless girl characters that are pulled into the darkness by an unknown terror. It was that scream.
That's right, any demi-god abilities that bears lack, these guys have. They're a blend between ninjas and Nazgul. Just don't pee your pants when you hear one of these scream in the night.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Another Gem from the Onion
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Man vs. Nature
I just had a really odd Alaskan experience I thought I'd share.
So, the toilet in my cabin doesn't work. Luckily, there is a plethora of trees available as ready replacements for the crown jewel of indoor plumbing. Tonight as I found myself watering something of a willow variety I heard something bounding through the brush towards me. I looked up, expecting a frolicking bear cub (reported as nearby earlier in the day), and had several visions of how awkward it would be to be mauled by a mama bear while answering the call of nature. I quickly recognized that the source of the sound was nothing nearly as dangerous, it was only a baby rabbit about the size of a junior sized football. But it was running straight for me. The image imprinted on my mind was rather odd. The rabbit was running through a corridor trees that gave the same impression that one would have standing in the middle of a railroad track while watching a train approach. And apparently the rabbit was running on tracks too, because it it bounded towards me looking neither left nor right, not a care in the world. Just a rabbit out for his evening jog with the iPod blaring.
I kid you not, I could have soaked that little furball if I had wanted, he just about soaked himself, but I'm a kind soul and I let him pass. He pulled a u-turn around me and ran back into the woods. I don't think he ever recognized that I was anything but an odd looking tree.
I thought it was funny.
So, the toilet in my cabin doesn't work. Luckily, there is a plethora of trees available as ready replacements for the crown jewel of indoor plumbing. Tonight as I found myself watering something of a willow variety I heard something bounding through the brush towards me. I looked up, expecting a frolicking bear cub (reported as nearby earlier in the day), and had several visions of how awkward it would be to be mauled by a mama bear while answering the call of nature. I quickly recognized that the source of the sound was nothing nearly as dangerous, it was only a baby rabbit about the size of a junior sized football. But it was running straight for me. The image imprinted on my mind was rather odd. The rabbit was running through a corridor trees that gave the same impression that one would have standing in the middle of a railroad track while watching a train approach. And apparently the rabbit was running on tracks too, because it it bounded towards me looking neither left nor right, not a care in the world. Just a rabbit out for his evening jog with the iPod blaring.
I kid you not, I could have soaked that little furball if I had wanted, he just about soaked himself, but I'm a kind soul and I let him pass. He pulled a u-turn around me and ran back into the woods. I don't think he ever recognized that I was anything but an odd looking tree.
I thought it was funny.
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