A Strange Time to Get the Writing Blues

Well, I've officially finished the book that I've been writing for the last two years.  It was kind of a weird experience, I was just typing along and then all of the sudden I realized that I had nothing to type any more, so I wrote "the end."

But now the fun begins.  Now that I've finished I can't help but dwell on how. . .flawed my rough draft is.  It isn't vivid enough, the main character's voice changes throughout, there are problems with some of the plot twists, some of the major situations don't ever get resolved, the story does a complete change-of-direction about halfway through, the magic system isn't fully developed and it's hard to write about. . .I could go on for quite some time along this vein, but I think I've adequately illustrated my point. There are many, many problems.

It's strange that I'm getting so discouraged now that I've actually finished a manuscript.

Maybe it's because life is knocking on the door and it's gotten to the point that I have to make a choice to open the door and become a responsible human being or start living the life of a hobo while I try to perfect my manuscript to the point where it might be publishable.

On the positive side, the process of editing and perfecting is much easier than the writing of a story, so maybe I can get this done in a reasonable amount of time. . .a month is what I am hoping for, max.  Of course, that's what I said about finishing the story, four months ago.  I'm not very good at keeping to my timelines.

The funny thing is that I've been trying to step away from my story for a few days--it really should be months but I don't have time for that--so I can be more objective when I edit it, but I can't.  I'm itching for something to do.  I still feel like I need to be writing, so I've dragged out my original epic fantasy novel, to see if I can read through it and get it moving again. 

Funny how life is, eh?  I procrastinate and procrastinate, but now that I have the opportunity to do so without any guilt I can't.

Denouement

So, it's come to the point that I'm starting to write THE VERY END of my book that I hope is going to launch my authorial career and I've come to the realization that I have no freaking clue how I'm going to end the story.  Good heavens!  Shouldn't I have had this figured out a long time ago?

No man is an island, but a writer. . . ?

The last several months have passed in a flurry of writing activity.  This is rather unusual for me, in the past--except for a few rare cases--I've struggled to string together much more than a few sentences at any given time.  But I've found that with a new attitude and determination I can produce enough literature to be able to make a career as a writer, depending on if I can produce writing that people will want to read.

However, I've discovered something about myself during this process that I sometimes find disturbing, and it feels weird to be blurting it out, in a public forum for anybody to read, but I have the blogging mask on, so I'll spit it out anyway.

I'm an introvert.  This is something that I've always known.  People drain me.  I like them, I like being around them, but they suck me dry.  Usually I can deal with this as long as I have time alone at the end of the day, a quiet evening to unwind by reading a book, watching a movie, or eating a casserole.  Don't even ask me to do something that requires a lot of interaction with people at the end of the day.  Parties?  If I don't know most of the people there, forget it.  Dance clubs?  Maybe with a bit of caffeine and the encouragement of an attractive lady, but that's it.  I can deal with people, and even like doing so, during the morning and early afternoon, but after that, leave me alone.  That's just how it goes, I like it that way, and I'm happy with it.  As a general rule, I am at peace when I am alone (I'll qualify this by saying that being at home with family, roommates, and/or close friends also brings me peace.  I'm not that much of a hermit).

But writing is changing things for me, and not necessarily in a good way.  Now, because writing is my work, I am spending the entire day alone, isolated in my dwelling, while I struggle to find the right words to tell the right story.  And as much as I love it, that can be a draining process.  When I put away the keyboard at the end of the day I feel tired, mentally.  Can you see the problem here?  Before, be it from work or school, I always had a social network that helped me, as an introvert, to feel connected with humanity during the day and then time alone to gather myself at night.  I don't have that anymore.  I'm alone all the time.

Writing is literally turning me into a recluse.

I feel like Frodo after Galadriel tells him that "to be a ring bearer is to be alone."  Writers seem to have the same curse.  Perhaps I'm overgeneralizing, I'm sure there are social, extroverted writers out there, probably in Hollywood.

For the first time in my life, I'm frustrated by being alone.  But I don't see any way to change this without destroying the system that has allowed me to be as productive as I have been.  Somehow I get the sense that I just can't deal with people in the midst of the writing process.  The pinnacle of this was yesterday at church when a really cute girl, a happy girl with an infectious smile, tried to engage me in conversation after church had ended and I found that I didn't want to talk with her at all.  The whole conversation seemed completely superficial and ridiculous--not that it was, I was just in a dark and melancholy mood--and I wanted to leave.  It was really weird, because I do find her attractive, and I do want to talk to girls, her included, but yesterday I just couldn't.  I don't think I've ever in my life been more crotchety and short tempered than I have been over the last few months.

Luckily, I'm nearing the end of my book; the journey is almost over.  Once finished I can break away from this endless spiral of isolation I've put myself in, though honestly I don't know how I'll do so.  Get a real job I suppose, maybe go on some dates.  That would be nice.

In short, writing is a two edged sword for me right now.  I like it, but it's removing me from the world, which is frustrating because I don't want to be an island.  The end.


Now, after writing all this, I think I've come to understand something.  It's not writing that's making me short tempered.  It's being single at almost thirty.  My focus on writing is just making me more single, that's what is frustrating.

An article for Single Womens

Ok, so my first post of December is kinda cheap because it's just an article I found on facebook.

Click here to read!

The article is entertaining, but as I read it I realized that I've been the victim of a plethora of women who directly applied to this.  It's true, even if it is blunt and a little vulgar at times.

In fairness, there's probably a corresponding column that could be written about the men.

Anyway, I just wish there were a few certain ladies out there who would read it a get a clue.  The End.

Stephen King, Are you Watching?

The seeds of a magnificent psychological thriller are contained within this fascinating article.  Combined with slight elements of the supernatural, this could basically be the next great Stephen King novel. . .written by me, of course.

Writing ideas are everywhere, literally.  Pay attention and brilliance will find you.

Basketball Season!

Finally!  It's the best season of the year.  Basketball season!  BYU is now four games into their schedule and here is my assessment so far.  We look pretty good, though a little inconsistent with so many freshmen.  Everybody is playing well, about as I predicted at the end of last year's season.  I will say that I think that a starting lineup of Winder, Rogers, Abouo, Hartsock, and Davies would solve the problem of the slow starts.  I like Zylstra, he's a good shooter, but I don't think he's a threat enough to be a starter.  He'd be better as a spark off the bench.

I stand by my prediction that we will be in the NCAA tournament this year, and we will win multiple games.

People who haven't been following BYU hoops probably don't understand a word that I just said.  It doesn't matter.  I just love basketball and I needed something to gush about.

Cold Blood

We're used to the idea of a man's blood running cold.  But when a woman does the same thing. . .well, it's a little shocking.

This story is horrifying!

It's events like this that make me realize that there are some people in the world who are just not fit to have children.  The woman in the previous story had a past that included prostitution and drugs and yet we let her be a mother.

I'm not one for the government controlling everything, but sometimes I think there should be some form of control over who is allowed to have children and who isn't.  There should be some sort of "parenting" test that married couples have to complete before they're allowed to make babies.  Of course, this brings up all sorts of moral issues because, in a way, regulating this would be basically a form of practicing Eugenics.

There isn't any comfortable solution to this problem.  But there are too many kids out there who are being abandoned and neglected by their parents.  It needs to stop.